I attend a large university where I am getting my PhD in Creative Visual Analysis and Applications of Space. My large university is in a “college town.” Often when I drive around at night drinking coffee and thinking really hard about what I’m going to write my thesis on I see the UNDERGRADS being drunk and doing crazy stuff. It makes me miss college but not really because I probably looked that stupid but really I was smarter and maybe I am just jealous I never went REALLY WILD in college because I was too worried about SUCCEEDING in life.
From what I remember about college (altho like I barely remember anyyything…ok jk I spent my nights studying) there were no frat parties with life sized stuffed animals to cuddle with/take care of you when you were drunk/bone. There WERE a few rapping jewish boys but they were so crappy they would never be FORREAL (kind of like this dude).
I also can’t believe that that dude partied hard and still had time to make a movie of it all in imovie, burn the dvd and hold it in his hands for when he woke up. I think I went to college right before that was possible. If we could recapture our drunken memories like that—I don’t know why we would ever stay sober. Reliving our lives through our drunken creative expressions seems much more fulfilling.
I’m thinking now I really missed out. I spent so much of my time in college TRYING TO GET AHEAD and BE ALL THAT I COULD BE, that I never went CRAZY or had orgies or BLACKED OUT. I’m mad at my parents for instilling the FEAR OF FAILURE in me.
I should’ve been OK with failing. I should’ve been OK with getting pregnant at 19/failing all my classes/getting multiple STDs/falling into a deep depression. None of those things are the end of the world. Maybe, they’re just the beginning of a life I’ll never have.
Maybe I can start over. Maybe I can be 21 again. Maybe I’m going through my quarter life crisis.