I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY BUT WE’LL BE FINE

By BRBY | April 28, 2009

When I decided to get my PhD in something completely useless and silly I had to accept that I would never make a lot of money like my parents. I would find contentment living a modest life in a random place and having the freedom to do what I love.

This music video by Little Boots explores that idea. Even though she doesn’t have a lot of money, she wants to take some guy out and she wants to show him a good time. I am not sure if that means she will have sex with him or not.
Little Boots - New In Town

In the first part of the video, Little Boots is at that place in your city where all the homeless people congregate and live/die. She is saying that even though all these homeless people have no homes and just their shopping carts that they find time to dance and have fun, just like her.

I think maybe this part is offensive because she is wearing fancy clothes and the homeless people don’t get to but ultimately we learn that we don’t need a roof over our heads, food, healthcare or our sanity, all we need is a little bit of spirit and gusto to lift us out of our dark place.

In the second part, Little Boots gets involved in some kind of mini gang/turf war. It seems like at first they are going to kill eachother but then they just have a cute dance off. I wish all the drug dealers of the world could see this, so they could know that they don’t need to fight over selling drugs, they can just battle their enemies via dancing. The world would have a lot more people on drugs and far less deaths.

In the last part Little Boots goes to some makeout place where everyone is doing it but really they are like modern dance doing it. I am not sure if they are doing it consensually or if this is like a contemporary/artsy rape scene. All of the other scenes have been so violent/abject, I am not sure why this one would be full of love.

I am pretty happy it is finally socially acceptable to date without spending tons of money. I am also happy that homeless people, implied drug dealers/gansters/drug abusers and rapists are able to use dance to express their feelings and get over their shit.

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I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY LIFE

By BRBY | April 26, 2009
My life is a performance. I am performing my role as a woman/girl/lady/person with a vagina every day. Sometimes I get confused though as to what kind of role am I supposed to be playing. Should I be cute today? Maybe I should be sexy instead. Should I play dumb or try and be a tough smart bitch who won’t take any crap from nobody?
At the end of the day, it is best to pretend to be really really happy. It is best to LOVE YOUR LIFE because then people will love you and want to be around you because you’re so full of joy and appreciation for all the beautiful things that are out there.

Sometimes, I think if I say it enough times, it will become true. Maybe some people will resent me and find me annoying for loving my life so much and being so proud of loving my life that I collapse in the street professing my love for life but they are most likely jealous that they can’t be as free and/or as fake/performative as me.
I want to love life so bad that I love it so bad. I mean, when I think about it, my life is so great. I don’t have to worry about dealing with unfair communist takeovers and twitter Revolutions
Ok, might have to deal with swine flu (I am between ages 25-45 shit) but probably not. Think it’ll blow over like the bird flu and THE SUPERBUG.
Ultimately, I’m really glad my biggest probs are ones that involve my higher education and social situation. I feel really lucky today.
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WHAT I GET OFF TO

By BRBY | April 21, 2009

This man in this bubble bath has the power to make me famous. He has the power to make me feel beautiful. I masturbate to him. I masturbate to the thought of seducing him with my amazingness and being his everything. I want to be special to him. I want to be his best PHOTO FUCK yet.

I want him to do me with his camera. I want that hard FLASH in my face and then it’s all done. We’ve gotten there together. We made something beautiful–a moment—now it’s over. Until the next moment.

Maybe here he is putting his hand on his penis for me. Maybe here he is thinking of me, the girl he hasn’t met yet who is going to make him end his partying ways and just take pictures of me for his website. He will become a TRUE artist. I will be his muse.

This is my goal. To be loved by all– via my image taken by one of THE GREATS.

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I DO NOT HOOK UP

By BRBY | April 19, 2009

Kelly Clarkson is me. She is kinda ugly but not too bad looking when she gets dressed up/makes up her face/gets photoshopped. She is not thin  but not really chubs…just kind of normal. She sings about real problems and feelings that I have. Like, whatever happened to miss independent? It’s like, sometimes we feel we can take on the world but then we meet a guy and we just feel sooo needy. And then when he breaks up with us for being really naggy and overbearing, our lives just SUCK without him. But then we realize that since he’s been gone, we can finally breath for the first time. 

I can really relate to Kelly’s newest song/video, i do not hook up, because sometimes it’s like, there are all these expectations that come with DATING. Like, that you have to have sex on the third date or else you’ll break up. But if you have sex on the first then you’re a slut and he won’t RESPECT YOU. I’m wondering how two dates can differentiate you from being a slut to a goddess because that’s really not that much time to get to know someone. Kelly takes it really SLOW and I admire her for that. Maybe she waits till marriage or at least until she is in a committed and loving relationship with a guy who is done dicking around. Here is a link to the video.

i do not hook up

Sometimes I feel like Kelly. She is so uppie mid class and has so many expectations put on her by her family. All she wants to do is fuck “the help” on the table…but she can’t, it’s just a dream. She is singing about how she does not hook up, when all she wants to do is GET IT ON. In her head she has to take it slow to save her heart/emotional vulnerability but in her vagina/spirit she just wants to let go of all that shit and have a good time with the pool boy.

I DON’T HOOK UP—but I really want to. The harder you try, the more I fight. But really–it is a battle within myself that I struggle to “win” every day.

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I TWEET WITH MY TITS

By BRBY | April 14, 2009

tit tweeter

I’m a strong, independent, busy woman. Sometimes multitasking gets SOO rough that I wish I just had two more hands. I am really fortunate that I am skilled enough to use my tits as that second pair. Now information can be disseminated to my friends INSTANTANEOUSLY. While I pour my drink, I tweet about it. I don’t have to wait until I’m done. It’s important to get your vital info out there ASAP before someone beats you to it.

I feel fortunate for this skill. I am pretty sure it will come in handy WHEN I REALLY NEED IT. For example, if I cannot get a job with my silly degree in CONCEPTS/IDEAS, I can tweet my misery away while I make booger sandwiches at my local Dominoes.

 

I will be pretty cynical about my life situation so I will make sure to let everyone know how BADASS and rebellious I am by tweeting about my booger exploits. 

Or, if I get a lil HOTTER and SLUTTIER I can get a job as a BARTENDER on the HILLS.

I can tweet my lines to my friends while I’m performing with Spencer. I can tweet LC after meeting her on set to see if I can get the People’s Revolution Job. I am really good at making labels on the computer. 

Ultimately, my skills will be most appreciated mid sex. I will be able to tweet during the act rather than asking to be excused to get my phone when it makes a silly message noise.

 

u looked so silly when you had to get ur phone.

u looked so silly when you had to get ur phone.

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FOR MY BDAY I WANT A REALLY COOL VIBRATOR

By BRBY | April 10, 2009

It’s important to surround yourself with COOL SHIT. For example, if I am meeting a new person or going to a party, their apartment needs to have lots of eclectic crap we can all sit around and look at and say OMG you’re into so and so? ME TOO. soooo random!

That’s why it’s so great that UO sells stuff like sweet headphones

and vintage sewing machines

and burger phones

so everyone can see how amazing/unique I am.

But even my “private moments” (er sometimes they’re not soooo private….) merit the same level of coolness.

I need this am app vibrator. I just realized how lame I must look when I GET THERE with this shit

LAME

I don’t think I can GET OFF anymore like I used to. If I continue to use these “toys” I will feel less than adequate. I will feel like I’m not really being ALL THAT I CAN BE. I will have trouble reaching orgasm if I don’t love myself for having the neatest equipment.

ur the one that i want

Like my clothes, my records, my books, my shoes, my furniture—my vibrator must be retro and cool. It must speak to the past. It must fulfil me in a way that contemporary/mainstream vibrators cannot. If I get INTO IT with a really unique artsy guy, he will want to know he can pleasure me/watch me pleasure myself IN STYLE.

sigh. i just need to be able to get off again. feeling pretty unsatisfied lately.

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THE (IN)VISIBLE CAMERA

By BRBY | April 5, 2009

I took this picture of myself with my 6megpix digicam in the mirror. I wanted to put on a pretty dress and document it for my blog. I just wanted to capture myself quickly so all my friends/fans could see my awesome new buy. 

I took this pic of myself with my 6megpix digicam in the mirror. I knew I was going to use it for my blog/lookbook so I brought in a few lights beforehand and had my roommate/boyfriend help me set them up. I cut my bangs and put on my new dress. I photoshopped the pic afterwards so it would look more like film/prettier.

I took this pic of myself with my digi SLR. I set up some lights and stuff to make the pic look really MOODY and ROMANTIC. I decided to hold my shitty digi cam up in the pic and look away to the side (like I am looking at myself in a mirror) to make it seem authentically effortless when really it was a lot of work to do this photo and I will probably use it to promote my new modeling career (I hope to be more than just a lookbook/blogger lady–perhaps an internet personality).

I took this picture of this girl to promote my new alternative internet soft core porn site. I think the interplay between fashion/beauty/porn is really important so I had a stylist come to dress her up and do her hair and makeup. I want my fan base to believe this is an authentic girl taking a legit amateur photo of herself so I gave her a cute digi cam and told her to look off to the side to simulate the idea that she was just taking this pic of herself in the mirror while looking super hot. Once people start following this girl on lookbook, they will want to see more and will subscribe to her erotica page on my site. 

I took this picture of this model with my medium format film camera for the Urban Outfitters 2011 digital catalogue. Instead of getting mailed hardcopies of UO catalogues, people will be able to subscribe to them on their kindles and will be able to pick out what they want and will buy instantaneously. I want my shoppers to be able to relate to the model so I made her look relaxed and just like every other girl–wanting to capture her awesome outfit in a blog post pic. We will sell this pink digicam too, so our shopper girl can wear this outfit, take this pic and upload it to her blog—following the same narrative I created.

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VISUAL ESSAYS

By BRBY | April 3, 2009

As a TA for a visual studies and communications class, I like to give my students assignments that will really make them think about how to convey information visually. I assigned my freshmen with the task of creating a VISUAL ESSAY. Without words they must tell the story of their weekend. Perhaps their roommate bitched them out or peed in their closet. Maybe they stopped taking their diarrhetic and wanted to start vomiting again. Sometimes grandma died. Sometimes the other grandma died too. Freshmen go through a lot their first year, there is a lot of change in their lives. I wanted to help them be able to capture those moments and also learn how to convey information. Here is an example of an A+ story.

 

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BEFORE I BLACK OUT–I CAPTURE MY MEMORIES ONTO IMOVIE

By BRBY | April 2, 2009

I attend a large university where I am getting my PhD in Creative Visual Analysis and Applications of Space. My large university is in a “college town.” Often when I drive around at night drinking coffee and thinking really hard about what I’m going to write my thesis on I see the UNDERGRADS being drunk and doing crazy stuff. It makes me miss college but not really because I probably looked that stupid but really I was smarter and maybe I am just jealous I never went REALLY WILD in college because I was too worried about SUCCEEDING in life.

From what I remember about college (altho like I barely remember anyyything…ok jk I spent my nights studying) there were no frat parties with life sized stuffed animals to cuddle with/take care of you when you were drunk/bone. There WERE a few rapping jewish boys but they were so crappy they would never be FORREAL (kind of like this dude).

I also can’t believe that that dude partied hard and still had time to make a movie of it all in imovie, burn the dvd and hold it in his hands for when he woke up. I think I went to college right before that was possible. If we could recapture our drunken memories like that—I don’t know why we would ever stay sober. Reliving our lives through our drunken creative expressions seems much more fulfilling. 

I’m thinking now I really missed out. I spent so much of my time in college TRYING TO GET AHEAD and BE ALL THAT I COULD BE, that I never went CRAZY or had orgies or BLACKED OUT. I’m mad at my parents for instilling the FEAR OF FAILURE in me. 

I should’ve been OK with failing. I should’ve been OK with getting pregnant at 19/failing all my classes/getting multiple STDs/falling into a deep depression. None of those things are the end of the world. Maybe, they’re just the beginning of a life I’ll never have. 

Maybe I can start over. Maybe I can be 21 again. Maybe I’m going through my quarter life crisis.

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I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME. I WANT TO FEEL WHAT LOVE IS. I KNOW YOU CAN SHOW ME.

By BRBY | March 31, 2009

I used to watch a lot of THINSPIRATION vids whenever I felt fat or just not skinny enough. Sometimes they made me feel bad about my body. Sometimes they made me want to change my diet. Sometimes they made me feel really good about my curves and thankful I had breastses and a “booty” and didn’t look like an eleven year old. 

But now I’ve learned about FEEDEES.

I feel like I have discovered a missing piece of myself in these feedees (like when you discover you might be gay when you get horny from watching ur same sex). Feedees combine the two things I love most, food and sex. And not in a cliche “whipped cream bikini” kind of way.

 

this doesnt take me there. i need more

this doesnt take me there. i need more

A feedee (and their feeder) take this combination of food and sex to a new level. It becomes about a loss of control and about finding joy in making someone else repulsive (not attractive to anyone else, only you because you made them that way).

I think I’m drawn to feedees (and potentially becoming one) because of their societal refusal to conform. Feedees genuinely feel they are beautiful. I think I just want to feel beautiful. I wonder if there is some sort of brainwashing process or if you just need to acclimate yourself to this change in mentality. I will def need a FEEDER for help, guidance and force feeding. 

This is my favorite FEEDEE vid

I think I like it because it involves a POOP metaphor. The POOP is simultaneously the feedees sustenance and is representative of her WASTE. It is her source of POWER as she spreads it seductively onto her belly and eats it– it sustains her weight and it gives us visual horny pleasure to watch her eat and to watch her fat jiggle. We imagine shitting on her and then making her eat it. Our waste is her PLEASURE. Our waste is her SEX. Our waste is her POWER. 

I just want to find out how to love myself. OURLOVE is about this quest. Finding my love for myself. Finding your love for yourself. If we have time, finding our love for one another. I want to be a feedee because there is a lot of love there. Even if it is PERVERSE. I don’t know if I can get there. There’s too much stopping me.

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